TRANS FATTY Paris
• Fast Food Ration: The New York City health commissioner tried—he did—to get trans fat-loaded slider slingers to curb their ways. They didn't, and now he wants a ban on trans fats in all city restaurants. As the food police rhetoric heats up, Fast Food Nation author Eric Schlosser reminds us of this rosy fact: "Trans fats are ... toxic. Period."
• Totally '80s!: Robert Gates moves on to a Senate committee today and expects little opposition from Democrats eager to replace Donald Rumsfeld as secretary of defense. George W. Bush says Gates brings a "fresh perspective" on Iraq— the perspective of a man who helped arm Saddam Hussein in the first place.
• C.Y.A., Rummy: Meanwhile, Rumsfeld covers his ass with a parting stroke to declassify his own weeks-old memo to Bush stating, "In my view it is time for a major course adjustment.... It is clear that the current path in Iraq is not working well enough or fast enough. Change is needed." Saying this to his boss, of course, did result in change. Clearly there's a massive problem when Rummy looks like a dove.
• Matrimonial boogaloo?: Are Jay-Z and Beyoncé getting married during a four-day birthday bash she's throwing for Hov? A newspaper wonders and borrows lingo from 1984's Breakin' to call the speculative ceremony a "rap wedding." Hopefully, the reception will raise enough money to save the community center from developers.
• Moonraker, budget breaker: NASA wants a lunar outpost by 2020 that would eventually serve as a staging ground for Mars missions. Damn the three-fifths of the population opposed to the idea. Bush promised NASA this in 2004, and they're holding him to it.