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Times Haircut Article Foretells Our Doom

Oct. 27 2008, Published 7:07 a.m. ET

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  • "An increasing number of Internet users are polling online to decide whether to trim or grow, to shave or cultivate a goatee. Flickr and YouTube each have several hundred photos and videos of people begging visitors to comment on what they should do with their hair. Bloggers usually opt for embedding a link to a polling site in a post, so that viewers need only click on a button to cast a vote. A search of blogs on Blogger.com yields more than 4,000 postings that contain the plea: 'Should I cut my hair?'"

    Every single person who had something to do with this article—whoever first suggested it, the editor who assigned it, the writer who carried it out, the bloggers willing to be quoted in it, and, ultimately, all of us who read it—should be deeply, deeply ashamed of themselves. If an alien race ever lands upon the charred wreckage of this planet and tries to figure out what happened to our civilization, we can only hope that they somehow find this article and then, nodding their silicone-based torso appendages sadly, achieve the logical tragic realization.

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