Muhammad Wars: Teddy Vs. Prophet

UNHOLY SHIT Teddy, Prophet

The long and tortuous ride for Gillian Gibbons, the British school teacher jailed by the Sudanese government for flagrantly allowing her native seven-year-old students to name the class teddy bear Muhammad, is finally winding down. But in the scandal's foul-smelling wake, Beef of the Week's left to consider who fared victorious in the battle between the supple, libelous Teddy Muhammad and the most precious Prophet Muhammad.

At the beginning of the week, tensions were high, with Sufi teddy-protesters shouting over hoarse Darfur-ists and rapacious Janjaweedos, decrying the 15-day jail sentence issued Ms. Gibbons for the crime of blaspheming his holiness as too lenient. Prophet Muhammad, somewhere high above, was looking on with unease about how far his derelict disciples would take the incident. Teddy Muhammad, meanwhile, was in custody somewhere, probably waterboarding.