Mrs. Obama on Mrs. Clinton

Cat fight: Michelle Obama is referring to no candidate in particular when she says, "If you can't run your own house, you can't run the White House." No one at all. Not even Hillary.

• Cokehouse stays home: Seems that risky investment you made in buying a ticket to an Amy Winehouse show isn't going to pay off as the meth-mouthed Brit cancels her American tour.

• Dead bus, campaign: John McCain's campaign manager is trying to save the ancient maverick some money by trading in his souped-up Straight Talk Express for one that's more like the "piece of shit" he used to have.

• Treehugger to treecutter: Longtime environmentalist Bette Midler is fined for hacking down more than 230 trees around one of her Hawaiian properties, an egregious example of

eco-hypocrisy.

• America's got ... dummies: The latest season of America's Got Talent ends with a ventriloquist winning the grand prize. Yes, a ventriloquist.