Papa Lohan Speaks Out

YOUR DAD USED TO LOVE MY RED RUNNY NOSE Lohans (Photo: Getty Images) • Daddy dearest: Michael Lohan says that his ex Dina receiving a "Top Mom" award is a "joke.... She comes stumbling out of Butter at 3:15 a.m. with bloodshot eyes and a red runny nose." Dina calls him "infantile."

• Drop deadline: Hillary Clinton campaign officials say that this whole ordeal will be over by June 15.

• Our Facebook, who art in heaven: Pope Benedict and the Catholic Church will be reaching out to the youth of the world, sending them inspirational text messages and creating a Catholic social networking site. The "Catholic Facebook" will also prove useful to priests who like young boys.

SURE, THERE'S MORE: Epstein thinks of running; someone else criticizes Hillary's fashion; and platypuses!