BOY BANNED Lou Pearlman
• Uncle Lou found!: After six months on the lam, Lou Pearlman is arrested by Indonesian authorities and turned over to the FBI. The man behind this era's greatest boy bands returns just in time to see his favorite Lyte Funky Ones (LFO to you) poster torn from his bedroom wall.
• New action heroes: The latest issue of Time pits two non-candidates as eventual U.S. presidents: "Bloomberg in 2008, even though he says he's not running, and Schwarzenegger someday in the future, even though the Constitution currently prohibits immigrants from running." Recall! Amend! Conquer!
• McLashing: Slipping in the polls, the McCain camp decides to engage in some good old-fashioned Mormon bashing.
• Idle tour: After firing her manager earlier this week, Kelly Clarkson has temporarily postponed her summer tour. All this amid anticipation of My December, an album featuring five songs Clive Davis was willing to pay the hazel-eyed wonder $10 million not to release.
• Double down: It's a timeless question: Why, after that first DUI of the evening, do you think you can drive five hours later? A Missoula, Montana, man was cited, released, and cited again by the same cop in the same evening. He was jailed only after he showed up drunk to his arraignment.