• Freaks come out at night: John Travolta has devised a plan to avoid the paparazzi, adopt a nocturnal lifestyle, and be completely irrelevant to everything everywhere. So far, so good.
• He would never: George Clooney demands that quotes attributed to him slamming cell block socialite Paris Hilton be retracted. Even if he agrees that she has "no discernible talent," he would never say it.
• Safety measures: If Paris Hilton plans on continuing to not get her ass beat by the tough broads in her cell block, she might want to tell her parents to stop jumping line on their visitors.
• Depp attacked by musical pirate kids: When you are as strange as Johnny Depp, there's only one group left that can make you feel foreign and squirmy: the Japanese.
• RIP: The man who taught generations of American children that mixing things together might cause an awesome explosions, Don "Mr. Wizard" Herbert has gone to that great chemistry lab in the sky.