• Freaks come out at night: John Travolta has devised a plan to avoid the paparazzi, adopt a nocturnal lifestyle, and be completely irrelevant to everything everywhere. So far, so good.
• He would never: George Clooney demands that quotes attributed to him slamming cell block socialite Paris Hilton be retracted. Even if he agrees that she has "no discernible talent," he would never say it.
- Johnny Depp's Longtime Pal, Legendary Rock N' Roll Guitarist Jeff Beck Dead At 78
- Prince Harry & Meghan Markle’s Tell-All Netflix Series Delayed To 2023 After Attacks On ‘The Crown’
- Dianne Feinstein Refuses To Retire Before Her Senate Term Ends In 2024 Despite Colleagues Arguing She Is 'Mentally Unfit To Serve'
• Safety measures: If Paris Hilton plans on continuing to not get her ass beat by the tough broads in her cell block, she might want to tell her parents to stop jumping line on their visitors.
• Depp attacked by musical pirate kids: When you are as strange as Johnny Depp, there's only one group left that can make you feel foreign and squirmy: the Japanese.
• RIP: The man who taught generations of American children that mixing things together might cause an awesome explosions, Don "Mr. Wizard" Herbert has gone to that great chemistry lab in the sky.