Mellencamp to McCain: Get Your GOP Paws Off My Tasty Dem Jams

AIN'T THAT AMERICA John, John (inset) (Photo: Getty Images) • Unleash the Cougar on his ass!: The staff of mild rockin' John Mellencamp, a staunch Democrat, asks that John McCain stop using Mellencamp's music at his rallies, according to reports.

• Kids today: The vast majority of America's college papers are endorsing Barack Obama—which is yet more hard evidence that, even more than mono or meningitis, Obamamania is the greatest affliction infecting our college students.

• Love is not the drug: In a restraining order the courts released today, Britney Spears' family alleges that friend Sam Lutfi drugged Spears and then took over her home and finances.

• Progress?: British scientists say they've made an embryo with DNA from two women and one man, and that the technology could one day be used to prevent inherited diseases. The Master Race is on its way!

• You can start drinking now: Apparently the Mardi Gras party has officially started in New Orleans. Like we need them to tell us to start drinking excessively and making pancakes! Still, great to hear.