Tabs Zero In On Divorced Old Maid Jessica Simpson, Who is Also Boyfriendless

ON ROMO: 'I TRUSTED THAT BASTARD' In Touch cover Poor, poor Jessica Simpson. With fellow sad singleton Jennifer Aniston hot and heavy and meeting the fam of Jess' ex John Mayer, there was no one to deflect Jess' sad-sack older-sister status at sister Ashlee Simpson's wedding.

Ash and Fallout Boy singer/gay rumor magnet Pete Wentz tied the knot in tents in the Simpson's backyard on May 17, reportedly because she's knocked up and her minister pop, Joe, would have none of those out-of-wedlock grandbabies that are all the rage these days—plus Poppa Joe could make a mint selling those wedding details!