A BIRD IN THE HAND Imus (Photo: Getty Images)
• Finger puppetry: Launching an offensive in what is sure to be a long, torturous battle with disapproving press hounds, Don Imus learns his son in the ways of middle-finger merriment.
• A call for crosswalks: Sigh. Britney drilled a pap with her Benz. Again. One idea: Quit standing in front of her moving vehicle, you dumb bastards.
• Hell still on earth: In southern California, raging wildfires have now consumed an area larger than New York City.
• After-school stories: A West Texas high school English teacher is on paid leave and could face criminal charges after letting a student read Cormac McCarthy's Child of God. So a murderer in the book might have a little bit of sex with with his victims' corpses, but if these kids don't know about this stuff by ninth grade ...
• Combover takeover: Donald Trump is developing a new syndicated show for fall 2008, in which he would help real people settle financial disputes. Failing that, he will instruct them on the nuances of filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.