BREAKING NEWS

Hillary Clinton Thinks She's Rocky Or Some Nonsense

Oct. 27 2008, Published 7:07 a.m. ET

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CUT HER, MICK Clinton (Photo: Getty Image) • Rocky loses to Apollo, you know?: After numerous campaign trail cheese steaks, Hillary Clinton feels just like Rocky Balboa. Delegate leader Barack Obama doesn't really care.

Learn from their mistakes: Attention, burglars! When you go and do something genius like using Craigslist to cover your burglar-tracks, do it from a library computer or something.

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Big question: Fuel prices are skyrocketing, oil companies are raking in dozen-digit profits, and even Congress doesn't know why a gallon of gas costs so damn much.

Green games: In the latest attempt to capitalize on the eco-friendly phenomenon, rapper/actor Ludacris and drummer Tommy Lee are teaming up for a "green" reality show.

Remainders: Don't all child prodigies out of Oxford University become prostitutes of some variety?

More funds for guns: Just like the plans for the war in Iraq, new military weapons systems are costing too much, taking too long to produce, and continuously failing to do much good.

Deathly decoration: Military patches with grim reapers, flaming skulls, and extraterrestrials with a penchant for human flesh—they're just all part of an effort to build team spirit among the troops. Oh, and they are sick looking!

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