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Hillary Clutches Florida and Michigan Flotation Devices

Oct. 27 2008, Published 7:07 a.m. ET

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DON'T ACT SO SURPRISED Clinton (Photo: Getty Images) • The long and winding road: Hillary Clinton's taking us to the Democratic convention in Denver in August, people. Unless you tell her otherwise, Florida and Michigan!

The subtle art of porn captioning: This one from Alex Phillips, a teenager facing child-porn charges for posting nude pictures of his teenage girlfriend on MySpace: "Yo, U see how big her hole is! Its from me!" Not bad, Alex. Prison, it is well known, is a perfect place in which to hone this craft.

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In other porn-ish news: How sexy are you? Still pretty young? Is your body mostly without hair? Do you enjoy smoking? Ready to have every inch of your man- or woman-hood made famous? The casting call for photographer-superstar Ryan McGinley's next romp across the country just might be for you.

Rags to more Riches: New York Times columnist Frank Rich has signed on as a creative consultant with HBO. Yes kids, nobody cares what you think.

I don't want to miss a rail: Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler has entered a drug rehab facility in California. More for you, Joe Perry!

Armed, probably a little dangerous: Drew Peterson, still a suspect in the death of wife Stacy, was arrested on weapons charges. Everyone knows that when sawing off a rifle barrel you make sure that baby's still 16-inches, Drew. Otherwise people die.

Speaking of guns: Georgia's Roswell Beacon chose to accompany a story on white-power hicks gunning for Obama with a picture of the senator locked in the sites of a sniper scope. Daily Kos commenters to the rescue.

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