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Harry Potter And The Very Gay Freudian Nightmare

Oct. 27 2008, Published 7:07 a.m. ET

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The new Harry Potter movie trailer is out! It doesn't hit theaters until November, that magical time when we will be finally electing a new president, but let the nerd-ticipation begin now!

So in this trailer, young wizard Harry Potter is forced to learn about things from before he was born, because the young people don't know anything and those that do not learn from history will be compelled to vote for the Bad Wizard. And so we meet the young version of the Potter family arch-enemy Voldemort, in a sequence that is basically Carrie 3: The Snakening, but gayer. Young Voldemort is coming into his pre-puberty with a bang apparently! He can move things with his mind, and with his dirty pillows! THE SNAKES TALK TO HIM, he says. THE SNAKES COME AT NIGHT AND FIND HIM AND TALK TO HIM. Um. "I can make bad things happen to people who are mean to me," says young disturbed Voldemort.

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