The Kids Are All White: Gossip Girl Returns

Meester, Lively (Photo: Getty Images) It is, the CW advertises, "every parent's worst nightmare."

And, I'll give them something. There are probably at least 300 parents in this world—all of them occupying one of two zip codes—torn apart by the thought of their children attending Hamptons parties in crisp white linen things. (All the better, you see, to get Vitamin Water spilled on.)

Yes, Gossip Girl is back. And in the Hamptons. And everyone is beautiful and the scenery is fresh, and Chuck Bass continues to wear ridiculous outfits, and Nate Archibald is getting busy with a lady of a certain age. But something seems amiss. Something smells like Saved By the Bell: The Malibu Sands episodes.