WARNING: While promos teased that little Jenny Humphrey was going to go to third base on last night's episode of Gossip Girl, that didn't happen. Little J did not accept any parishioners into her ladychapel (or get fingerblasted or whatever the kids are calling it these days). No, she experienced that other modern rite of young womanhood ... dating a gay. It's the new third base, really.
Jenny's new boyfriend Asher is totally gay, and Jenny was going to be all Nicole Kidman and be cool with it, but everyone found it, and now she's just a loser from Brooklyn again. Also, Serena apparently has both a sex tape and a murder in her past. And, Tinsley Mortimer got name dropped last night, which is great, because 15-year-olds in Wichita really need to know who she is.