Glossies Bow Before Jamie-Lynn Cover

SPEARS FOREVER! OK! cover

Ahh, the family Spears is the gift that just keeps on giving to OK! Any hard feelings over that whole botched Britney photo shoot back in July—remember the one where the celebrity softie claimed that Brit kept running to the can and used a Gucci gown to scoop dog poop?—are apparently a thing of the past. Little sis Jamie Lynn's account of how she's in family way is so clearly the winner this week, competing rags must lower their heads in collective embarrassment.

Witness the giant hole containing the rest of these weekly warriors! Us Weekly (still $1 more than the Bauer Bunch and OK!) spends a few pages trying to blame Jessica Simpson for the Dallas Cowboys' poor performance Sunday. While neither football experts nor even Jessica junkies, we're going to go out on a limb and say the loss had more to do with Tony Romo throwing three interceptions than with Jess cheering on the quarterback in a perky pink jersey. Likewise, Us Weekly's "Ashley's Nose Drama" story about the High School Musical star's rhinoplasty answers the tough questions and gives multiple plastic surgeons—who did not treat these stars—free publicity in the form of expert quotes.