GOD'S SCIENTIST President Bush
• Shot Down: President Bush vetoes the latest stem cell bill. For those keeping score at home, that makes it Bush: 2, People in Wheelchairs: 0.
• Not a hit: John Gibson isn't amused by Hillary's Sopranos video, presumably because Fred Thompson isn't the one wearing the Members Only jacket.
• King of Marvin Gardens: Reps at William Morris are trying to talk Ridley Scott into directing a movie version of Monopoly, proving that the stupidity of Hollywood should always be measured on a sliding scale.
• Mrs. Mitt speaks: Enjoy this heartwarming video, where Mitt Romney's foxy wife clearly has no idea how old her children are, claims that she and Brigham Mitt share a psychic connection, and talks about the power of "Youtubes."
• Race for the White Palace: Rudy Giuliani's South Carolina campaign chair busted for allegedly pushing the devil's dandruff.
• Hello, Jewel in Washington: Jewel appears before Congress to testify about the plight of disadvantaged youth and, presumably, how it correlates with the crappiness of one's poetry.