FOUL BALLER Becks (with Victoria)
• Chav's badge of honor: Glamour UK knights David Beckham with title: World's Best-Dressed Man. Kevin Federline fires his agent.
• Doherty cracks up: Moronic Pete Doherty goes on a bender, confuses trashy groupie Nadine Ruddy for world's most famous supermodel.
• The Russians are coming: Oligarchs, not content with their colonization of London's Mayfair, take to buying England's ancestral country piles.
• Meeting of the Minds: Warning: mental image of crusty Brits Robbie Williams and Tara Palmer-
Tomkinson's booty calls may cause retinal scarring.
• Office chatter: The Scotsman unveils a study of Britons' work habits. The daily breakdown:
* 17.4 minutes making tea
* 18.6 minutes staring out a window
* 11.1 minutes making personal calls
* 35.5 minutes gossiping
* 13.7 minutes on loo breaks
* 54 minutes browsing the Internet
Photo: Splash News & Picture Agency