Back on the Juice

LOOMING COURT DATES O.J., Regan (inset)(Photo: Getty Images)

Most now acknowledge O.J. Simpson as the center of the universe. The (grossly oversimplified) story's timeless:

Man found liable in the wrongful deaths of his wife and her lover, but ducks prison time and payment to the family of the deceased. Man pens tell-all/confessional for high-flying Publisher, who is then crucified and promptly run out of town, only to return with a huge lawsuit—much to the chagrin of the leading GOP presidential Candidate, whose Disgraced Buddy screwed Publisher in an apartment for 9/11 workers and on whom she now probably has the goods. Other Pals of the Candidate are the same guys who fired Publisher. They claim it was over Man's distasteful book and Publisher's anti-Semitism, but one unnamed Pal of the Candidate is now accused of illegally telling Publisher to keep mum about her Disgraced Buddy, whose conviction might blow their pal's presidential bid. Man, with nothing but spare time on his hands and little knowledge of his role in presidential politics, takes up semi-petty crime, robbing memorabilia poachers because he doesn't have any cash with which to not reimburse the families of the deceased parties whose wrongful death he was found liable for. You follow so far?