Hot Kucinich Blames General Electric for Hubby's Woes

HIS SECRETARY OF DEFENSE? Kucinches Rep. Dennis Kucinich has deployed his best campaign asset to California in hopes of providing a much-needed jolt to his moribund campaign for the Democratic nomination for president: wife Elizabeth. And Big E has some ideas as to who might be responsible for her husband getting short shrift from the mainstream media. According to the Amador Ledger-Dispatch, the six-foot stunner directly attacked the impression that Li'l D wasn't a viable candidate and "speculated that part of the media's cold shoulder could have to do with the fact that General Electric, who owns NBC News and two other networks, has billions of dollars vested in defense contracting and nuclear power—industries that would stand to lose greatly if Kucinich was president."

Dennis then underscored this critical point about the viability of his candidacy by leaping out of his wife's jacket pocket and defiantly declaring that he would be the Smurfiest president in Smurf history no matter what those bastards at GE said.