BANGED A HO, HAD TO GO Spitz Quits
Our brief regional nightmare is over: Eliot Laurence Spitzer, sheriff of Wall Street, scourge of misfeasors, lover of the kind of woman who will perform sexual acts in exchange for money, 54th governor of the great state of New York, has resigned, effective Monday.
It was a little more than a year ago that the crusading politician took the oath of office, pledging to usher in a new era of transparency and efficiency in Albany. Unfortunately, the only thing Gov. Spitzer proved efficient at was banging prostitutes; when that fact was made transparent it became clear that he would go down in history as the sorriest case of squandered potential in memory for a state desperately in need of someone who could finally bring change.
Spitzer's successor is David Paterson, a blind Harlem native who will be New York's first African-American governor. Spitzer's future is unclear as of now, but if there's any justice in this world he'll probably have to go work for his dad. In real estate. Guy does have three daughters approaching college-age to support, plus (we hear) a nasty hooker habit.