Larry The Cable Guy Dems' Secret Weapon
'NECK THE VOTE Larry
• Didn't git-r-done: Adam Putnam, the Howdy Doody-esque Florida Rep, declared hope (and many Republicans) lost because "White rednecks ... didn't show up to vote for us." That's right—instead of voting, they recovered from a hootenanny of a night by watching the 3 Redneck Tenors play a show just a county outside Putnam's district in Stuart, Florida.
• Digging a Trent-ch, leaving the body outside: Republicans have confirmed that racist statements made by Trent Lott were not brought up in his minority whip (heh, heh) nomination hearings. Said one Republican, "There's no point going over it. It's in the past now." Which is why you'll never see any jaw-droppingly unforgivable remarks brought up in campaign ads ever again, forever.
• Packing up the crackhouse: Evicted as if she wasn't a VH-1–crowned Diva, Whitney Houston's house will be put up for sale by her local New Jersey sheriff's office in January. In times like these, sometimes it's best to just calm down and Exhale (Shoop, Shoop)—if your lungs aren't too destroyed from the pipe.
• Making the bandage: Long Island's gravelly-voiced pearl, Lindsay Lohan, let the glint of the sun—and paps' cameras—hit her battered forearm, which doesn't hide the scars of a suicide attempt. So, with eating disorders, promiscuity, and drug use taken care of, self-masochistic depression makes for one more notch on her belt, and about four on her wrist.
- Jonathan Majors' Legal Team Aims To Have Assault Charges 'Dropped' After Providing 'Video Evidence' To New York DA
- Jonathan Major's US Army Ads Pulled By The Military After The Actor's Arrest Over 'Domestic Dispute'
- Harry Styles, Emily Ratajkowski And Olivia Wilde Spark 'Throuple' Chatter In Hollywood After Wild Make-Out Session Caught On Video
• Jamming the arcade: Sony's newest Playstation has arrived, making worthwhile the cold nights and endless days of waiting outside Best Buy. Two hours after hitting store shelves, at least 200 have gone up on eBay. These scheming nerdlings are just going to cash out in two days—it's life imitating art ... or at least South Park.
• Voodoo politics? A man in Bogor, Indonesia, slits the throats of a goat and snake, stabs a black crow in the chest, mixes the animals' blood with spices and broccoli, drinks it, and smears a bit on his face—all to put a curse on George W. Bush. "I am doing voodoo, because other ritual would not work," he tells AP, offering a not-so-subtle commentary on the American electoral process.