The Magical Mystery Bore

KNOW WHEN TO FOLD 'EM Salomon, Angel

(Photo: Getty Images)

In the Beef of the Week that follows, it's less about declaring a winner than it is us coming away unscathed, dignity intact, with the perhaps futile hope that our appetite might soon return. It's safe to say nobody wins.

So there were three: Criss Angel, Rick Salomon, and Pamela Anderson-Salomon, an trio it's usually best to avoid come the holidays—be they alone or in cahoots. But then, news of a Pam/Rick divorce spread, and certain (not these) eyebrows stood at attention. Somehow, somehow, that Aqua Net-heavy prick Criss Angel was involved. Would wonderfully tangy 30-something Pam really screw around on her husband of two months ... with a magician? Oh wait. Her husband is Rick Salomon.

Suddenly everything was possible, and nothing made us feel any better about anything.