FOREVER YOUNG Courtney
• Courtney's to-not-do list: Love, in a memo to self, does not want to get any more surgery unless absolutely necessary. She also does not want to party with 19 year olds. Those little cockblockers.
• Oldie but a lezbie? Mary-Kate munches on a stripper? Sure looks that way.
• At least they got a Jackson: In what has to be one of the most disappointing reality show cast announcements ever, Celebrity Big Brother UK will not feature Tara Reid, Lil' Kim, or K-Fed as previously hoped. Rather, it scored just-above-Tito-level-Jackson Jermaine, Ken "Who?" Russell, and Kamikaze Cowboy Dirk "Starbuck" Benedict.
• Snakes on a Godfather: From the weird and not necessarily true files, there's some speculation that Samuel L. Jackson might play James Brown in an upcoming biopic. Discuss.