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Courtney Love's New Year's Resolutions

Oct. 27 2008, Published 7:07 a.m. ET

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FOREVER YOUNG Courtney

Courtney's to-not-do list: Love, in a memo to self, does not want to get any more surgery unless absolutely necessary. She also does not want to party with 19 year olds. Those little cockblockers.

Oldie but a lezbie? Mary-Kate munches on a stripper? Sure looks that way.

At least they got a Jackson: In what has to be one of the most disappointing reality show cast announcements ever, Celebrity Big Brother UK will not feature Tara Reid, Lil' Kim, or K-Fed as previously hoped. Rather, it scored just-above-Tito-level-Jackson Jermaine, Ken "Who?" Russell, and Kamikaze Cowboy Dirk "Starbuck" Benedict.

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Snakes on a Godfather: From the weird and not necessarily true files, there's some speculation that Samuel L. Jackson might play James Brown in an upcoming biopic. Discuss.

Juice helps the medicine go down: Since the cancellation of his book and TV deal, O.J. Simpson has allegedly been wallowing in a poisonous stew of drugs, booze, and Naked Gun reruns.

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