You Try Spending $125 Million

BIG PIMPIN' Portfolio

An item on page 100 of the premiere issue of Condé Nast Portfolio titled "You Try Spending $20 billion" informs the reader what several private equity firms could purchase if they spent all of their cash in one spree.

Blackstone, for example, could buy its chief 20,000 private concerts by Rod Stewart, or, as Portfolio suggests, it could buy "every team in Major League Baseball, plus a fleet of 47 new 787s to get them to the ballpark." (Never mind that there are only 30 teams in MLB—how about 540,222,222 hot dogs instead of the 17 extra jets?)

Better yet: What if you tried spending what Si Newhouse spent funding Portfolio—a reported $125 million? You could:

• Pay all six of Portfolio's editorial assistants for the next 833 years (at a generous $25K a year, sans overtime).

• Purchase 3,655 pages of advertising in the next Portfolio (at the September issue's rate of $34,200 a page).

• Lock Vogue editrix Anna Wintour into a contract for the next 62.5 years ($2 million per annum).

• Buy 628,140 of the Dunlap Aerogel 5 Hundred Tour tennis rackets featured in "Making a Racket."

• Buy 612 of the Richard Mille RM002-V2 timepieces featured in Portfolio's phallic-titled, "Big Swinging Ticks."

• Hire 2,777 copy editors from the New York Post to write Portfolio headlines.