STRIKE OUT Stephen, Jon
• It's called a laugh track, people: Jokesters, on-the-record writers' strike supporters, and Comedy Central cash cows Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert will return to the air, with or without writing staffs, on January 7.
• Prenuptial disagreement: Not content to let the Jamie-Lynn Spears faction dictate his nephew's marriage plans, Casey Aldridge's uncle/Southern Baptist minister Odus Jackson claims the young couple is wanting to marry. (Spoiler: They'll get divorced someday.)
• The cost of the Vito libido: Butterball Viva La Bam star Don Vito has been convicted of child sexual assault charges. He's now reportedly learning how to spell his name so that he's able to sign that mandatory sex offender registry.
• The clean-air actor: California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is suing the Bush Administration for not allowing his state to work beyond federal standards for cutting greenhouse emissions. The president's standing by his commitment to the lowest common denominator.
• Rising tsar: Time magazine's Person of the Year, Russian President Vladimir Putin, has reportedly amassed a $40 billion fortune in his long, dubious career. Up next, officially taking the reins of his nation's largest gas exporter?