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BREAKING NEWS

Bush Turns Out To Be 'Accomplished' Actor

Oct. 27 2008, Published 7:07 a.m. ET

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MISSIONARY Bush

Rewriting history: Still driving his approval ratings into the ground, Bush stays the Iraqi course, calling for no removal of troops "before the mission is complete." What happened to mission accomplished three years ago? Oh, right. Photoshop.

Seining off: He of the Rainbow Coalition, Jesse Jackson, strongly (and rightfully) objects to Michael Richards's offensive comments toward blacks—so much that he's calling for a Seinfeld boycott, which pretty much means turn off your TV between 6 p.m. and 8 p.m. and again anytime after 10 p.m. (EST).

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Firewall-mart or Fire Wal-Mart?: An illegal immigrant's best friend, Wal-Mart, will be biting into Apple's territory and opening a movie download service on the Internet. If its online checkout line is like its real-life counterpart, it'll be slow-moving (especially for women, minorities) and short on key teeth.

Fur-lined anorexia beats your daily costume: The Simple Life's Thing No. 2, Nicole Richie, is PETA's worst-dressed person of the year—replacing last year's honoree, Paris. Ugh, that is so Nicole to get back at Paris like that—though it's a lot more mature than possibly showing Paris' infrared sex tape to friends.

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Breaking News

From the green room to the pokey: Hot on the heels of his Oct. 23 arrest in Bob Hope airport and still under investigation for cocaine, pot, and weapons, perpetually half-baked rapper Snoop Dogg is popped again coming out of an appearance on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno in Burbank, California, for illegally possessing a gun and drugs—whoa, Jay really knows how to put together a gift bag.

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