Britney's Lost Weekend

TEQUILA BOMBER Britney Britney Spears could take a lesson from Animal House's Dean Wormer, who famously lectured: Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.

Fresh off her astoundingly bad performance at the VMAs, the beleaguered songstress has national media outlets buzzing as to what, exactly, facilitated her latest poorly choreographed, lip-synced meltdown. A tipster traveling with Spears suggests the obvious: the hooch. "She was out at Revolution a Vegas nightclub until 8:00 a.m. the night before with a few groupies and Dallas Austin the megaproducer most notable for trying to bring cocaine into Dubai en route to Naomi Campbell's birthday party in May," he says.

This might explain why she showed up to rehearsal the following day more than three hours late. "Her assistant was forcing her to drink pineapple juice and water so she wasn't too hungover." Note to assistant: find alternate hangover cure.

Messages to Spears's management seeking comment were not immediately returned.