Britney Spears Will Not Pay For Your Ferrari Again This Year

That earthquake in Vancouver this morning? A direct result of the collective sigh of disappointment issued by the entire national paparazzi-tabloid machine. For a few hours there, they thought Britney Spears might be performing at the VMA's again, following the fiasco that was her appearance last year.

Remember that? How you couldn't look away from the live trainwreck gyrating drunkenly in your television? How you chided others for their open fascination with The 2007 Britney Jean Disintegration all the while sneaking leftover issues of OK! and Star into your bag at the manicurist and maybe even springing for an Us Weekly at a newsstand in a neighborhood where, as far as you were aware, you didn't know a soul? Or maybe you're subscribed to all three and read People when your mom's finally done taking her sweet old time with her issue.