Britney Spears: The New Virgin Mary

'VIRGIN' BIRTHDAY Spears(Photo: Getty Images)

Britney Spears gets cover space on four out of five glossies this week, although the coverage is almost as schizophrenic as the folically challenged floozy herself.

Life & Style lumps their Brit bonanza in a "Baby Update" spread with J.Lo and Nicole Richie news. But their bump-watch is limited to mentioning sister sib In Touch's report that Brit was knocked up with J. R. Rotem's lovechild and some UK paper's claim that a back-up dancer was the sperminator. But the majority of Life & Style's ink is all about how Britney wants her K-Fed-Ex back and that she only filed for divorce a year ago to scare Kev into shape—because threatening to break up with someone always works; stars, they are just like us!