Brit's Child Neglect Pays Off!

• Horror show: Britney Spears made her long-awaited comeback at last night's VMAs and reminded the world that she's much better tabloid fodder than she is a lip syncing, not even dancing, bewigged nervous wreck of a performer.

• Dick fight: While Britney delivered the final blow to her career on stage, former Pamela Anderson paramours Kid Rock and Tommy Lee exchanged blows in the crowd.

• Up in smoke: Showing a keen understanding of international politics, Fred Thompson explains that many Iraqis began helping American troops because Al Qaeda had forbade them from smoking.

• Big money: Over at Oprah's Santa Monica mansion, Barack Obama stuffs $3 million into his pockets and talks to Will Smith about a possible biopic.

• Pain in the neck: Lynne Cheney served as First Lady for 2.5 hours this weekend as Laura Bush underwent surgery on pinched nerves in her neck.