TOOTSIE ROLL Spears
• Move, bitch, get out tha way!: Run over them once, shame on you; run over them 150 times, shame on, well, everyone. Britney Spears mows over another pap's sole-less cross-trainer.
• Those weren't sprinkles: Serendipity 3, home of the $1,000 sundae and $25,000 Frrrozen Haute Chocolate sic has been temporarily shut down after health inspectors spotted luxury mice, decadent droppings, and more than 100 gourmet cockroaches.
• Adios, Hastert: Onetime Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert delivered a farewell speech to his colleagues today, announcing he will not finish his 11th term.
• Rasputin Quarterly wasn't hiring: Karl Rove is soon to enter the ranks of his most detested detractors—the press—as a Newsweek contributor.
• Tofurky talk: Rob Zombie joins forces with PETA, creating a toll-free number where veg-curious callers can listen to The Zomb talk about turkey torture.