TICK TOCK, YOU DON'T STOP Brown(Photo: Getty Images)
• Don't be cruel: Former Mr. Whitney Houston-cum-reality TV star Bobby Brown has denied reports by his lawyer that he suffered a heart attack. Matching his own bewilderment, fans learn he's due to set out on tour.
• Lessing learned: In other heart attack-related news, the Nobel committee has awarded 87-year-old British novelist Doris Lessing its prize in literature, serving her up a healthy $1.54 million in the process.
• Protector of the People : A 76-year-old female market clerk fends off a would-be robber by whacking her assailant in the head with a stack of People magazines.
• Laissez unfair paraphrasing: Giuliani misquotes Hillary in the GOP debate in Michigan: "The leading Democratic candidate once said that the unfettered free market is the most destructive force in modern America..." What she actually said was the free market is the most "disruptive" force—but added that it was also "the driving force behind our prosperity."
• 3-D treat: The Halloween episode of Live With Regis and Kelly will be broadcast in 3-D.
• Gratuitous idiocy: The Univ. of Arizona student newspaper apologizes for printing a cartoon widely perceived to be anti-Semitic, featuring a "crappy tipping Jew" who leaves 7 percent gratuity.