INHUMANE BEHAVIOR Björk
• I didn't know I couldn't do that: O.J. Simpson checks back into the Las Vegas county jail after violating the terms of his bail by contacting a codefendant in his armed robbery case.
• Picture imperfect: Desperate former idol Katharine McPhee attempts to sell her wedding pics to the the tabloids for $60,000—and finds no takers.
• Fool's gold: The Golden Globe winners are announced in a riveting, 31-minute, star-free news conference. Soft-focus Keira Knightley commercial Atonement wins best drama. No one cares.
• No competition: Double-amputee runner Oscar Pistorius is banned from participating in the Beijing Olympics after reports find his prosthetics give him an unfair advantage.
• X-spawn: Christina Aguilera gives birth to a healthy baby boy, Max Liron Bratman. Pray X-tina's genes override frumpy hubby Jordan Bratman's.
• Itchy engagement: Princess Diana's former butler (and media whore) Paul Burrell testifies at the inquest into her death, says the princess did not plan to marry Dodi Fayed. The princess supposedly told her butler confidante, "I need marriage like a bad rash."