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Birkhead's Tale of The Tape: Brit Vs. Anna

Oct. 27 2008, Published 7:07 a.m. ET

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LOVE CONNECTION Anna in 2004, Larry, Britney

It was reported yesterday that lonely single dad Larry Birkhead, of Anna Nicole Smith, Danniellyn, and possible gay-sex-with-rival Howard K. Stern fame, announced to In Touch his burgeoning crush on auntie-to-be Britney Spears. Having promptly vomited up what was left of the weekend's Riesling and devils-on-horseback, and sadly having no back-up for either, Radar settled the delirium tremens for a quick moment to dig in and see if Brit might meet that fabled Birkhead criteria. For this tale of the tape, we traveled back in time and used the Anna of 2004, that magical year she first caught Birkhead's sketchy eye.

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Let's help you find that lost spotlight, Larry!

Age

Vickie Lynn Hogan, aka Anna Nicole Smith: 37

Britney Jean Spears: 26

Hair

ANS: Platinum, epic

BS: Grownout-buzz beneath fields of weave

Profession

ANS: Stripper, model, actress, geriatric joy giver, clown

BS: Mouseketeer, singer, glossy fodder, aunt-in-waiting

Baby count

ANS: 1 (a second, Danniellynne, currently learning to sign her signature in order to hand inheritance over to her father, Larry Birkhead)

BS: 2 (at time of post)

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