FREDDY BASHER FINGERED Thompson on phoneyfred.org
• Wrong said Fred: A top adviser to Mitt Romney appears to be behind the launch of www.phoneyfred.org, a now-busted website attacking Fred Thompson as a "Pro-Choice Skirt Chaser." No word yet on the Romney camp's possible involvement with Socialite Rank.
• No calories: A U.S. District Judge strikes down a New York City rule requiring fast food restaurants to post calorie counts, freeing up models to binge ignorantly—once Fashion Week comes to a close, of course.
• Hush money: CBS urges a court of appeals to overturn a $550,000 FCC fine from ye old Janet Jackson nipple incident. The FCC has yet to impose fines against MTV for Britney's Sunday VMA catastrophe.
• Call of the wild: Boob-wrangling meatstick Joe Francis offers Vanessa Hudgens half a million to ditch the High School Musical franchise (and, presumably Zac Efron) for more nude pictures. In a press release issued from prison, Francis said "Hudgens is the classic girl next door gone wild. Being sexual is not a crime." He knows from crime.
• No jokes for Jesus: Sculpted comedienne Kathy Griffin gives a "raucous" Emmy acceptance speech, joking that "no one had less to do with this award than Jesus." The Catholic League says it hasn't been so enraged since the Sinead O'Connor SNL incident of 1992.