MAKE ME LAUGH Rather • Justify your existence: Election night's a big one for the network news anchors, according to the New York Times. "Among those of us who do this, it's one of our favorite nights," says NBC anchor Brian Williams. "The story is not written in advance, and I can't tell you what the story line is going to be."
• We really thought we'd seen the end of the "What's the Frequency" headlines: But no. With Dan Rather appearing tonight alongside America's most trusted fake newsmen, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert on Comedy Central, we must endure them again. Expect conservative bloggers to spontaneously orgasm over all the "fake news" jokes they can make today. Courage.
• 'Teen on the run: Atoosa Rubenstein, editor of Seventeen, has left the publication to create her own youth-oriented Web and marketing business. "I'm a risk taker," she told a newspaper's Keith Kelly.
• We put the "You" in USA Today: The Washington Post reports that Gannet Co., owner of America's most colorful newspaper, USA Today, will be "mining online community discussions for stories and creating Internet databases of calendar listings and other non-news utilities." Expect a front-page report that "Michelle Trachtenberg is totes hot" and how the planes that hit the World Trade Center were holograms.