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$cientology Truth or Dare!

Apr. 9 2008, Published 6:23 a.m. ET

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Tom Cruise wasn’talways so cool. In fact, it’s taken him years (and tens of millions ofdollars, we hear) to achieve the special brand of inner bliss that allows him to shrug offgetting squirted in the face with water on the red carpet. How’d Cruise do it?

With help fromthe Church of Scientology’s “SEC WHOLE TRACK” questionnaire,that’s how. The internal church document was developed by Scientologyfounder and onetime science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard for use during "auditing" sessions—you know, the ones designed toidentify your trapped "thetans."

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The "thetans," or alien ghosts, were implanted inearth’s volcanoes 75 million years ago by the evil intergalactic ruler Xenu, until the nasty buggers escaped and invaded the bodies of each and every one of us. New recruits like Katie Holmes, or "preclears," answer the questions while hooked up to an E-meter—a crude, polygraph-likecontraption—as a Church-sanctioned auditor records the subject’s responses for further expensive inquiry. We excerpted 20 of the list’s 343 questions in the premier issue ofRadar, on newsstands now. For those playing along at home,here’s another verbatim sampling.

• Have you driven anyone insane?

• Have you ever killed thewrong person?

• Is anybody looking for you?

• Have youever set a poor example?

• Did you come to Earth for evilpurposes?

• Are you in hiding?

• Have you systematicallyset up mysteries?

• Have you ever made a practice of confusingpeople?

• Have you ever philosophized when you should have actedinstead?

• Have you ever gone crazy?

• Have you eversought to persuade someone of your insanity?

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• Have you everdeserted, or betrayed, a great leader?

• Have you ever smothered ababy?

• Do you deserve to have any friends?

• Have youever castrated anyone?

• Do you deserve to be enslaved?

•Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?

•Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?

• Haveyou ever zapped anyone?

• Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so,

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