The Chickens Come Home to Roost

NOVEL CAMPAIGN Webb wins? • A clean sweep: America has overwhelmingly said it wants to give Democrats their turn at scandals and pages, and put them in the majority ... of the dumbest congress member list. In short, the Dems have seized the halls of Congress, winning 24 Republican-controlled seats. No Democratic incumbent had lost by early Wednesday, and the race for control of the Senate is down to Montana and Virginia, where a recount is likely.• But, why? The top issue in exit polls: corruption. That includes Iraq, right?

• Hello, Speaker Pelosi here: President-for-now Bush plans a phone call to the new Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, presumably to make sure impeachment is still off the table.

• Vying for Virginia: America's favorite Macacandidate, George Allen, will be joined by swarms of lawyers in his solo fight for the right. Slim Jim Webb has already claimed victory, even without a concession from his opponent, saying, "The votes are in and we won." Not so fast.

• You got served, twice today: All-around poopslice K-Fed has not only received his walking papers from Brit Brit, the hapless rapper has also been given settlement papers from Thomas Dolby. This generation's Snow had illegally sampled '80s staple "She Blinded Me with Science" for a MySpace song.

• The ego has crash landed: British mega-star and American nobody Robbie Williams tried—and failed—to woo Long Island Lolita Lindsay Lohan at a Hollywood party. The Sun mentions that he has "a £90 million fortune," but unfortunately for him he's still Robbie Williams.