1. Close friend

2. Girl I used to fuck before I came out

3. Guy I used to fuck after I came out

4. Guy I am currently fucking.

5. My sister.

Pls explain. Or not.

Chuck Bass is quickly becoming my hero.

Has anyone else noticed that Serena DOES NOT move her mouth when she speaks? She is a mumbler, and it's driving me insane.

It ain't what it was: the soccer coach at my prep school was in Skull and Bones.

11. Barry Diller

109. Amanda Congdon

1,3445. That girl from my 5th grade English class who never confirmed my Facebook request.

"She is a 1992 honors graduate of Georgetown University who became president of her family's century-old Halloween business in 2000 when her father died, according to the company Web site. Rome added a line of "sexy" Halloween costumes to Franco American Novelty Co. LLC's goods and works with her mother and sister."

A 38-year-old Georgetown grad who is hot and designs sexy Halloween costumes? Where do I sign up?

See I thought Lauren actually looked terrible, especially compared to Whitney. But what do I know, I'm a heterosexual male and thus outside the show's target audience.

I've always fancied Francis a Gandhi/Mother Teresa hybrid

Talented in re: to Calum Best, perhaps.

But not by the Webster's definition.

Oh. My. God.

Over-Under on the number of people it takes to get John Travolta high enough off the ground to do a keg stand: 4

Creator Peter Berg was actually at Edwards' funeral.

Fun fact: He was Endeavor founder Ari Gold's college roomate. I don't know why I know that.

To her credit, Julia-Louis Dreyfus had great comedic timing on Seinfeld, and is pretty funny on "The New Adventures of Old Christine." For a girl, at least.

How much does it take to get me into Chico State?

Kelefa Sanneh used to playing running back for the New York Giants?

Where do i sign up for my $50 million from Epstein? He can assault me with pink dildos all day long.

I was actually wondering the same thing myself when watching. Kimmel actually did a segment with video clips.

EllaLohan is...Jason Bourne. I mean Jayson Blair.

Media whore is a not insignificant talent!

Whose cock is bigger? Juan or Pedro's?

WHERE DOES SHE SHIT? INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW

This is kind of insanely awesome.

He hid her dog? That is way harsh.

That also drives home the fact he was essentially dealing with someone with the cognitive abilities of a 5-year-old. She must have been really, really drugged out.

I've also really liked LL Cool J. Despite the fact that he lies about being gay.

But where was Borat during all of this?

He might need a drink, yes, but he doesn't actually drink. which makes the fact that he sells vodka all the more abhorrent.

They seem like a tea and crumpets type of group.

The idea of Tom Cruise fuming over a bunch of black faxes is a pretty funny visual.

"Of course, sports broadcasters have a long and colorful history of saying dumb shit." See also: Every time John Madden opens his mouth.

Corey Worthington: real American--and Australian!--hero.

It's true. I was once in a car accident and Tom Cruise is the only person who stopped.

She was jokingly offered a job at the Times' T magazine in an interview, too.

I actually back this. What's the point of being a celebrity if you can't say shit like this?

I heard Taylor Hicks is dating Ruben Stubbard.

But what does Wes Welker drink?

I usually don't advocate plastic surgery and all, but she looks about 10 times better. Are you reading this, HEIDI MONTAG?

I envison her as more of a Mike's Hard Lemonade type of gal

How tall is he? I know he's ostensibily black and all, but I'm not sure i buy it.

I went to Starbucks and all I got was this lousy t-shirt, as well as a free grande non-fat skim milk soy double mocha frappacinno (retail price: $14.99)

Rich Garces? Really? I hope no one else was using the same steroids he was, though that could explain Bartolo Colon's success.

Alan Keyes is black?

The ironic thing is that Axe actually outsells Old Spice, Stetson, and Drakaar Noir combined. Meaning there's no end to the bottomless pit of stupidity that is the male age group, 18-24

Someone at Yale actually took a shit in the drier when I was there. I think the Rumpus wrote a story on it.

Dude is worth $3 billion (on paper, but still). He should at least upgrade from Adidas slippers to Crocs.

"Based on the numbers of American Mormons [as a percentage, EQUAL TO THE NUMBER OF MUSLIMS IN AMERICA, MITT] in our population, I cannot see that a cabinet position would be justified. But of course, I would imagine that Mormons could serve at lower levels of my administration."

But what would C say if B found out?

I could actually see "Rock Op" being kind of funny with the right director and Jim Carey circa Ace Ventura.

NYU: Quickly replacing Cornell as the Empire State's preferred Suicide-Happy Institution of Higher Learning

Just $800 grand? that's less than Ben Silverman drops on hookers and blow.

I like how Audrina's employer finally decided to give her the apperance of being not totally worthless by sending her to go scout "Rush," and she couldn't even do that properly.

Having Tim Russert moderate a debate is like having Helen Keller administer an eye exam