With all the focus on nutrition and organic food in the news, it’s made us fondly remember a time — not so long ago — when none of that mattered. Breakfast cereals in particular have always poured on the sugar. And to try to appeal to kids, they’ve come up with some pretty strange names. RadarOnline.com put together this list of our favorite not-necessarly-good-for-you cereals. Here are our favorite 13 weirdest breakfast cereals.
13. Orange Flavored Combos: Honestly, who wants to eat a crunchy orange? Kellogg’s thought we did and, to make it worse, the cereal mascot was The Blue Gnu. The gnu is an animal native to the African savannah. Has nothing to do with oranges. Plus, he wore a trench coat.
12. Kaboom: With this name, one would expect the General Mills cereal to contain crazy amounts of cleansing fiber. Nope. It was a mega-sugary oat cereal packed with marshmallow stars Perhaps this cereal’s greatest claim to fame is Vivica A. Fox concealing her gun in a box in Quentin Tarantino‘s Kill Bill: Vol. 1. Click here to see a photo of the box.
11. Tutti Fruiti Twinkles: Tart orange and lemon flavor in the shape of oat stars. Think: Sweet Tarts in milk and you’ll understand why this General Mills cereal didn’t last long. Click here to see a photo of the box.
10. Freakies: Ralston Purina marketed this one extensively, with the lumpy little creatures named BossMoss, Goody-Goody, Gargle, Snorkeldorf, Grumble, Cowmumble, and Hamhose telling us that the crunchy cereal grew on trees. (They lied). The cereal did not catch on. Duh! It looked like a bowlful of scabs. Yum. Click here to see a photo of the box.
9. OKs: Somebody must have figured that Special K was a big seller, so why not OKs? We’ll tell you why: it had a picture of Big Otis on the box, a rugged muscleman wearing Scottish garb. Why did Kellogg’s think a man in a kilt would appeal to kids? Click here to see a photo of the box.
8.Quangeroos: This one takes some explaining. In 1965, the Quaker Oats company released Quisp — “the vitamin powered sugary cereal…for QUAZY energy,” which featured a bizarre alien (designed by the Rocky and Bullwinkle artists) and cereal shaped like flying saucers. Quaker also sold a companion cereal called Quake, which came from the center of the earth (yum!) and provided “earthquake power.” Quake was a flop, so it was replaced by Quangeroos — another orange-flavored cereal, this one presented by a kangaroo in a green hat. Click here to see a photo of the box.
7. Sugar Corn-fetti: We don’t know what sugar-drenched corn cut like confetti has to do with a wooden-legged pirate brandishing a sword, and neither did consumers. Post may also have the distinction of coming up with the most boring cereal package ever. Click here to see a photo of the box.
6. Mr. Wonderfull’s Surprize: What was the surprise? Cream-filled cereal pieces. Kind of a liquefied Tootsie Roll pop. Not only was this General Mills cereal disgusting (if they sat in milk, the goop leaked out, creating mud) but the little orbs typically shattered during shipping, creating a mess. Click here to see a photo of the box.
5. Sir Grapefellow: In 1972 a fighter pilot named Sir Grapefellow introduced this “Grape Flavored Oat Cereal Plus Sweet Grape Starbits – Vitamin Charged!” Of course, the message it sent wasn’t so good: General Mills also produced a berry-flavored cereal called Baron Von Redberry cereal, Sir Grapefellow’s nemesis. What a way to start the day: sugar and battling your siblings at the breakfast table. That’s why mommy drinks. Click here to see a photo of the box.
4. Clackers: How this one got past the conceptual stage is difficult to say: General Mills tried to feed us graham pieces shaped like small gears. That’s right: we were eating machine parts. Not only that, but the gears were huge, making it almost impossible for little kids to chew. Click here to see a photo of the box.
3. Grins & Smiles & Giggles & Laughs: It took teams of unfunny people at Ralson Purina to come up with one of the worst names ever to describe smiley-face corn bits, as the ads say, “smile back at you.” Just how we want to start the day: by eating human faces. Click here to see a photo of the box.
2. Moonstones: Sounds like something that gets stuck in your insides. Ralston Purina assured us that this fruit-flavored cereal was mined on the lunar surface, which explained the little star, moon, and comet shapes. By the middle 1970s, the space race was over and the cereal was quickly eclipsed. Click here to see a photo of the box.
1. Crunchy Loggs: Though the term ‘loggs’ did not conjure the same distasteful image in 1978 as it does today, just the idea of eating wood was insane. Kellogg’s little breakfast beavers chowing down on sugary cereal masquerading as fallen trees has to be the dumbest breakfast idea ever. Click here to see a photo of the box.