DANCE OFF Carlson and partner

• Fingered! Tucson-area saloon-keep Jim Anderson confirmed his role in the most shocking grip-and-grin photo Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s ever staged.

• Corn-husking congressional candidate Scott Kleeb set hearts aflutter with his chiselled looks and cowboy ways. Back in D.C., Curt Weldon invited journos for a bit of impromptu espionage, and George Allen was found to be in bed with a porn-loving sodomite.

• Todd Oldham prepared for another round of Todd time, and Madonna got ready for the discount bin.

• NBC employees felt the cuts (but not Tucker Carlson … maybe), and FOX felt the earnest wrath of The Simpsons.

• And on a sad note, Anna Nicole Smith announced the burial of her son via her diet pill company.