How did Tom Cruise transform himself from struggling young actor to Scientology god? With help from the Church of Scientology’s “SEC WHOLE TRACK” questionnaire, that’s how. The internal church document was developed by Scientology founder and onetime science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard for use during “auditing” sessions—you know, the ones designed to identify your trapped “thetans.”
The “thetans,” or alien ghosts, were implanted in Earth’s volcanoes 75 million years ago by the evil intergalactic ruler Xenu, until the nasty buggers escaped and invaded the bodies of each and every one of us. New recruits like Katie Holmes, or “preclears,” answer the questions while hooked up to an E-meter—a crude, polygraph-like contraption—as a Church-sanctioned auditor records the subject’s responses for further expensive inquiry. Radar excerpted the best of the list’s 343 questions. Here’s a verbatim sampling.