Teenage iPhone Riots Terrorize New York City

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Driven crazy by the shiny, bouncy Apple gadgets favored among big city folks, youths are wilding in the streets and schools, ganking ‘pods ‘n’ ‘phones from anyone foolish enough to carry them, according to the tabloids. How bad is it? Here’s the New York Daily News: “‘People are just acting crazy,’ said Stephanie Phillips, 18, a midtown supermarket cashier who hides her Sidekick when walking around. ‘They will slice you for your phone in a second.’” That’s right. They stop you, then they mutilate you. It is like Mad Max and The Batman movie outside. Do not move to New York! STAY AWAY. Although this “trend” is totally bogus. Last week, according to the NYPD, there were 909 grand larcenies and 373 felonious assaults in New York City, down 5 and 11 percent respectively from the same week last year—with assaults down nearly 32 percent from seven years ago.

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