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• Guys and dolls: Sarah Jessica Parker has joined the illustrious ranks of Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, and Paris Hilton. For just $20, you can have a blowup sex doll manufactured in SJP’s likeness—should you want something like that, sicko.
• Intimate affairs: The Emperor’s Club V.I.P., home to Spitzer girl Ashley Dupré, keeps on giving. Today we learn about the fun bunch behind the club’s daily operations—a sexagenarian widower, his 23-year-old prep school girlfriend, a bookish Lit major, and a fledgling holistic living counselor!
• Twenty-one million gun salute: Legendary actor and onetime NRA president Charlton Heston passed away Saturday night at his home in Beverly Hills. He was 84.
WAIT, THERE’S MORE: George Clooney’s prank caller; sex on airplanes; preppies!