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Loads Of Hard News

SNOW’S O Reporter appears to be orgasming

No, thank you and good night: Fifty photos of TV reporters who look like they’re getting off.

No translation necessary: Blonde, determined, and free of STDs, Scarlett Johansson wants everyone to know she’s batting for the Obama team.

He’s no ScarJo: Oklahoma Rep. Dan Boren, on the other hand, refuses to endorse Obama because he’s “too liberal.” Boren’s father is a former Democratic senator who was a major pain in the ass during Bill Clinton‘s first term; he’s supporting Obama. So maybe being a dick is something Boren men age out of.

No matter: Obama‘s already been immortilized by a German dollmaker, what does he care what Boren thinks?

‘Cuse me: Country-singing cupcake Carrie Underwood admits that she “burps a lot” and has been cheated been on a “time or two.” Correlation made. But it’s not success that’s the best revenge. That would be “becoming famous.”

Irony fist: People are still talking about the Obama and wife fist bump. Video of Ali G and Pat Robertson knocking pinky rings resurfaces in tribute.

On the Fritzl: Of all the names CNN could have given this 19-year-old victim, why did “incest dungeon girl” make the cut?

Making a splash: A judge orders YouTube pranksters/filmmakers to air an apology on the video-sharing site. Which only leads to more views on their original misdemeanor, but hey.