OVAL OFFICE OFFENSES Tanks ‘n’ jorts

• Bush-era chic: The White House declares a fatwa on flip-flops, jeans, sneakers, shorts, T-shirts, and tank tops by posting a list of the forbidden items in plain view of interns and staffers eager to combat the god-awful D.C. heat by showing some skin. Next up? Those racy piano legs.

• Croc queen?: For all those Royal watchers ready to cast Prince William‘s maybe-girlfriend as the next Diana, beware. The 25-year-old Kate Middleton may not be suited to follow in her fashionable footsteps. In a troubling development, she was spotted training for a boat race wearing hideous red crocs.

• Lash backlash: Fashion fans were no doubt horrified to learn that Penelope Cruz faked them out by wearing false eyelashes in an ad for L’Oreal’s Telescopic mascara—a product which boasts that it can extend eye fringe by up to 60 percent. You mean not everything we see in beauty ads is true?