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Paul, Kucinich Are Winners Somewhere

THEY’LL ALWAYS HAVE CONGRESS Ron, Dennis (inset) (Photo: Getty images)

Attention tiny old persons who’ve been in Congress much of your adult lives (ahem, Nancy Pelosi)! We’ve stumbled on a sure fire re-election strategy: run a quixotic campaign for president and ignore your congressional district. It worked for Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich, and it can work for you, too.

In Texas last night, as John McCain was wrapping up the Republican nomination for president, Paul took home the Republican primary for the Lone Star state’s 14th congressional district, populated exclusively by people the media offensively refers to as Paultards. Meanwhile, up north, as Hillary Clinton was stomping Barack Obama in Ohio, erstwhile presidential candidate, Dennis Kucinich staved off a fight by Joe Cimperman to nab the nomination of his home Cleveland district.

Lesson being: small, martian-looking congressmen may not be able to capture the presidency, but they can make a hell of a living as fringe politicians.