• Hawkish: Just when you thought American Idol contestant Sanjaya Malakar couldn’t be any more bizarre, he busts out what has to be the hairdo of this young century.
• Spokesman ill: The colon cancer that White House press secretary Tony Snow beat back two years ago has returned and spread to his liver.
• ONN air: Stewart and Colbert better watch their backs. The original fake newsers have launched the Onion News Network.
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