Let this be a lesson to you, children: the power, glamour, and celebrity that are a few of the trappings of being a high-profile, big city magazine Editor in Chief are empty consolation when your dissolute lifestyle finally catches up to you. Watch as our very own Maer Roshan—whose appetite for vice still shames men much younger than his 39 years*—discovers that he is no longer able to perform the great celebratory ritual of his people during their high holidays. Lest this same fate one day befall you, we beseech you: Don’t smoke. It makes shofar-blowing impossible.
*Whatever, I need this job.